


A Place in the Sun

by sapphic_giraffic



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Autistic Character, Autistic Hyuuga Hinata, F/F, Hokage Hinata AU, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Hyuuga Hinata
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-03 22:20:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16334318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphic_giraffic/pseuds/sapphic_giraffic
Summary: Okay but what if Hinata was a transgender autistic lesbian tho?





	1. Nights Like This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata reminisces about the past and spends some quality time with her wife.

“Come back to bed, Hinata”, called Karin from their bed, across the room. 

 

Hyūga Hinata blinked, slowly coming out of her reverie. She had been curled up on the window seat in their bedroom, staring out at the full moon. On nights like this she often found herself here or out sitting by the koi pond closest to their house in the Hyūga compound, peering up at the night sky. Tonight though it was too cold to be outside and anyways she didn’t want to be too far away from her wife, even if she couldn’t sleep. 

 

Her wife. 

 

 _My wife,_ she thought to herself, _Uzumaki Karin._ Just saying those words to herself filled her with a sense of wonder, even now when they had been together for years, had been married for years. As a child, Hinata had often dreamed of spending her life with another woman, but never even in her wildest fantasies had she thought they could live openly together. Now, here they were, married women. Leaf Village had changed since Sarutobi Hiruzen had served as Third Hokage. Hinata and Karin had sure changed since the days when Hinata was a shy, awkward genin and Karin was just her best friend Naruto’s cousin. 

 

“Hinata?”, Karin called out again. This time she threw back the covers and patted the empty spot on the bed next to her, tilting her head inquisitively. “I miss you”.

 

“Sorry, babe, you know how I get on nights like this”. Hinata finally closed her eyes and turned away from the window, reopening them to look at the red-headed woman who she had given her heart to. She quietly activated her Byakugan, the Hyūga Clan’s unique visual jutsu, and focused all of her attention on Karin. It was one of her favorite things to do, looking at her wife this way, taking in every minuscule detail. With the Byakugan, she could see for kilometers, through solid objects, and in perfect darkness. Here, with Karin just a few meters away and bathed in the pearly white light of the moon spilling in from the bedroom window, Hinata could distinguish every hair on her body, count every freckle on her cheeks, and catalogue every single one of the myriad scars that decorated her wife’s limbs like an irregular lace. 

 

“You’re doing the thing again, aren’t you?” Karin said playfully, pretending to be annoyed. She wasn’t wearing her glasses since she was in bed, so there was no way Karin could actually see the swollen, raised blood vessels around Hinata’s eyes that were a sure sign she was using her visual jutsu. However, Karin was intimately familiar with her wife’s habits. Hinata realized that the long pause since she had last spoken must have given her away. She had always been one to easily lose track of time; it just seemed to flow differently for her than for other people. Using the Byakugan made it even harder to keep track of time since activating that power seemed to slow everything down around her. It had to in order to give her time to make sense of the flood of information coming in through her eyes. Objectively she knew that feeling was actually her brain speeding up, not time slowing down, but that was beside the point. 

 

No, the point was that there was a beautiful naked woman calling her to bed, a woman whom she loved with all of her heart and who loved her in return, and here Hinata was, letting herself get lost in thought yet again. She chuckled at herself as she stood up and stretched. 

 

“I’m sure I have no idea what you mean by that, dear”.

 

Karin couldn’t see her smile but she definitely heard it in Hinata’s voice. There was no mistaking that tone, no, she knew the exact expression that her wife must be wearing. She responded with a smile of her own as she propped herself up on one elbow and raised an eyebrow at the pale, Hinata-shaped blur in front of her. 

 

“What’s the matter, Hyūga-san? You’re acting like you’ve never seen a pretty lady before... you’re not going to faint on me, are you?” said Karin with a mocking tone. “We’ll have to call for a medic.”

 

Hinata actually laughed out loud as she crossed the room to sit down on the bed. In the first place, she had overcome her problem with fainting around pretty girls long ago, partly with Karin’s help. Second, Karin was not Hinata’s first partner, as she knew full well. And third...

 

“It’s ‘Hokage-sama’ to you, Uzumaki-san. That’s no way to talk to your superior”, Hinata said as she crossed her arms beneath her breasts and frowned down at Karin, pretending to chastise her with mock seriousness. The fake frown couldn’t take away the smile in the corners of her eyes though and it couldn’t take the hint of playfulness from her voice. 

 

“And another thing!” she said, switching to a pout now, “What’s the point in marrying the best healer in Leaf Village if she won’t even help me recover from a little fainting spell?”

 

Karin snorted and rolled her eyes as she moved her arm and flopped back down on the bed. “Forgive me, oh great and powerful Hokage-sama, I forgot my place! But as you may recall, I am on vacation this week, by your own orders. You had said something about me working too hard, taking things too seriously. So you see, I would love to heal you, but my hands are practically tied in this matter.”

 

Karin’s status as a healer was actually an old point of contention between the two. Their good friend Sakura was inarguably the best combat medic that the ninja world had ever known, having surpassed even her teacher Tsunade, the Legendary Sage and Fifth Hokage. There were other accomplished medical ninja in the village too, like Shizune, Rin, and Kabuto, but Shizune was primarily an administrator now, serving as Chief of Medicine at Leaf Hospital, and Rin had never left active duty. Tsunade and Kabuto were both retired. Sakura had her hands full as head of the Medical Corps. 

 

Karin, on the other hand, had dedicated herself to medicine and medicine alone. She wasn’t even a ninja anymore, having never progressed past genin level. No, Karin only used medical jutsu now, having forsaken all combat studies at the first opportunity. She had learned to heal on her own terms, through her own hard work, and she was damned proud of herself for that. What was more, Hinata was proud of her for it too, and that meant everything to Karin. Though she would always have doubts about her accomplishments compared to those of her peers and about the validity of her research, those doubts had lessened over time, primarily thanks to years worth of encouragement and reassurances from Hinata. 

 

Neither woman remarked on the matter though. Each one knew the other’s mind on the subject. Karin let it pass without protesting. Instead, she casually laid a hand on Hinata’s bare thigh. 

 

“I’m sure I can find some other way to be of use to my Hokage,” she said in a practiced sultry tone, combined with a wink. 

 

 _My Hokage_ , Hinata thought to herself. It sounded so wonderful the way Karin pronounced it, drawing out both words. 

 

“I’m sure you can”, replied Hinata. She uncrossed her arms and reached down to caress her wife’s cheek, then leaned down for a kiss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Currently anticipating a weekly update schedule.


	2. Cinnamon Rolls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata and Karin have a quiet morning with family.

When Hinata awoke the next morning, the first thing she noticed was that Karin wasn’t anywhere in the room with her. 

 

Hinata always awoke immediately and fully alert, which was an excellent trait for a ninja. It had served her well on missions and especially well during the war. She didn’t even have to open her eyes to feel the empty space next to her in bed where she had expected to find Karin still sound asleep. Normally, her wife was the type to doze all morning on her days off. 

 

Years ago, back when they had first started living together, Hinata would have been tempted to use the Byakugan to search the house for Karin in a situation like this, but now she simply took a deep breath and stretched as she sat up in bed. There was no reason to worry. 

 

In the first place, the great nations were all at peace, the Fourth Great Shinobi War having ended over a decade ago. She and her family were living safely within the Hyūga Compound, inside their own home, which was further protected by the walls and barriers of Leaf Village. There were no more assassins or kidnappers for her to fear. 

 

Secondly, gone were the days when she used to sneak around for fear of being discovered with another girl. For most of her life she had lived in terror that her caretaker, Kō, or someone like him, would learn of her preferences and report her to her father and the clan elders. That was all history now though, another conflict that she had won with the help of her friends and loved ones. Hinata, Karin, and everyone else like them who had chosen to come forward, were now living openly in Leaf Village without fear. 

 

Finally, she calmly reminded herself, Karin _never_ left the house without saying goodbye, not even to go for a walk or to visit someplace else within the compound. So if she hadn ’t woken Hinata up to say goodbye, then she must still be somewhere in the house. Everything was fine. 

 

As Hinata turned to step out of bed, she cast her eyes around the room, searching for where she had left her robe. As she did so, she took in the various decorations on the walls, everything from pressed flowers that she had prepared and framed herself to photographs of family and friends. Many of the adornments were wedding gifts, like the plaque above the bed depicting the Hyūga Clan’s Flame emblem next to the Uzumaki Clan’s Spiral emblem. That had come from Hinata’s father, Hiashi. There were several shelves covered in Karin’s knickknacks. She was actually a rather sentimental woman, though she rarely let it show. 

 

Eventually, Hinata spotted the robe folded up on the window seat, just as she had left it the night before. This had also been a wedding gift, a joint one from Sakura and Ino. They had given the pair a matching set of robes made from lavender silk, decorated with vibrant red petals. Hinata wrapped herself in the soft material, knotted the sash to hold it in place, then stepped out of her room, into the hallway. 

 

“Oy, Hyūga! Get down here!”

 

She was immediately greeted by Karin’s voice, coming up the stairs and down the hall. It sounded like she must be in the kitchen. Her wife had the unique ability to passively sense chakra patterns at range and must have been using that to monitor her. Though it was impossible for Karin to explain exactly what it was like to sense chakra that way, she had used the other mundane senses as metaphors help Hinata understand. Apparently, Hinata’s chakra was warm and smooth, sounding like silk sliding against silk and radiating an intense shade of lavender. It was like all of that at once but actually nothing like that all, or so said Karin. Nevertheless, she insisted to Hinata that her chakra was the most beautiful, comforting thing that she ever experienced, that her chakra felt like home. 

 

Hinata smiled as she shut the bedroom door behind her, having caught the scent of freshly baked cinnamon rolls. _Ah_ , she thought to herself, _that explains everything_. _Karin was up early so she could surprise us with fresh cinnamon rolls._

 

She continued down the hallway and toward the stairs, passing the children’s rooms. Neji’s door was undecorated. He was a reserved, calm young man who valued his privacy. He took after Karin in appearance and had inherited her habit of sleeping late, so he was probably still in bed. She was sure that if she stopped to listen that she’d be able to hear his light snoring. Down the hall, Himawari’s door was decorated with large paper cutouts of sunflowers. It also stood half open, so Hinata glanced in as she passed and noted that the room was empty. Himawari loved to cook with her moms and would have been disappointed to miss out on a rare opportunity to bake with Karin. The other woman usually stuck to side dishes and desserts, so when she cooked at all, it was special. 

 

Undoubtedly, Karin had brought the girl downstairs earlier to help. Himawari was still young and energetic, and an early riser anyways. As if on cue, Hinata heard her daughter’s bright laughter travel up the stairs to greet her as she took the first step down into the rest of the house. It was joined shortly after by Karin’s laughter, a deeper, more mature sound that reflected her sharp personality. 

 

As she descended the stairs, Hinata thought back to when they had first announced that Karin was pregnant with Neji. The entire village had been surprised. No one, neither their elders nor their peers, had expected the two women to have children. Why would they? Most people were unfamiliar with Hinata’s past and Karin just didn’t seem the type to even want kids, let alone be any good at raising them. Wild rumors had gone around about who the donor was that had gotten Karin pregnant. All of the rumors were false though. Neji and Himawari were just as much Hinata’s as they were Karin’s. How that was accomplished was not public knowledge; it simply wasn’t anyone’s business to know. Hinata had thought that her fertility was lost forever due to her medical history, but Karin had been determined to work past that. Through years of research and experimentation, Karin had eventually found a way. In the end it was relatively simple. All of the hard work had gone into developing a method using the latest medicines and specially developed medical jutsu, which ultimately allowed them to reclaim Hinata’s fertility and conceive “the old fashioned way”.

 

From the beginning, Hinata knew that Karin had only wanted to have kids for other people’s reasons. She had long known that her partner desperately wanted her own biological children, but at first it seemed impossible. Over time though, Karin’s research began to make her think that there was hope. She had been studying genetics in order to better understand the traits of the Uzumaki bloodline, such as their notorious longevity, healing, and talent with sealing jutsu. That idea had come from her cousins, Nagato and Naruto, who had infected Karin with their fervor to restore the Uzumaki clan and preserve their shared history. Carrying children for Hinata was the perfect opportunity to make everyone happy, once she finally figured out how to do it. Sakura and her teacher, Lady Tsunade, had been happy to assist with the research effort, Sakura as a close friend and Lady Tsunade as someone who had the Uzumaki blood herself from her grandmother, Uzumaki Mito.

 

Hinata’s smile broadened as she reached the bottom of the stairs and turned toward the kitchen and dining area. As expected, the kitchen was an absolute mess. It was always like that when her wife cooked and especially so whenever their daughter was involved. Not that Hinata minded, however, nor did she mind cleaning up after them. It was just a part of who they were. 

 

Karin’s and Himawari’s laughter had continued as Karin chased the girl around the dining room table, waving a spatula and teasing her that they would all eat her next after the cinnamon rolls were gone. From where Hinata was now, looking back, the idea that her wife might make a bad mother was laughable. No, Momma Karin loved her children fiercely, with all of her heart, and wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. Seeing her wife and daughter playing together like this warmed Hinata’s heart like the sun would warm her body while sitting out on the porch on a clear summer day. 

 

“Mommy! Save me!”

 

Himawari had just spotted her mother at the base of the stairs and dashed over to her for protection against the Wicked Momma Karin. Hinata bent down to scoop her up then whirl her around and settle her on one hip, imposing her own body between Himawari and her pursuer. The girl wasn’t so little anymore, but Hinata carried Himawari easily, long years of ninja training and dozens of hard missions having left her body strong even though she hadn’t been in the field for years now. 

 

Hinata adopted an imperious glare, what Himawari called her “Scary Mommy Hokage” face, and attempted to stare down at her wife, even though the two women were of similar heights. “And just what is the meaning of all this then?!”

 

Karin was not intimidated. She had followed after her daughter and was now making a show of trying to get around Hinata to get to Himawari, who was now pretending to cower against her mother and hide in her dark, shoulder length hair. “Momma was gonna eat me”, said Himawari in a dramatic whisper. Hinata turned back to look at her wife, who had returned to making menacing gestures at them with her spatula. “Is that so, Uzumaki-san? Were you threatening to eat _my_ daughter? ”

 

Karincrossed her arms and laughed, turning to look away, haughtily. As she did, Hinata caught herself admiring her wife’s profile, her strong jawline, her sharp chin. Karin was a handsome woman who never made excuses for her lack of softness and never bothered hiding, not anymore. She was not a traditional beauty, but honestly that just made Hinata love her even more. She was lanky and lean and angular and Hinata thought she was perfect just the way she was. Karin’s ponytail had flipped over her shoulder as she turned, drawing Hinata’s attention to her hair, which Karin continued to have cut in striking, asymmetrical styles. The left side of her wife’s head was trimmed down to a short fuzz while the right side was framed by long strands, all of which matched her startling red irises, making her heritage unmistakable. 

 

“Ha! _Your_ daughter, eh Hy ūga? I don’t remember _you_ carrying around this fat lump for forty weeks!” Karin scoffed, adding emphasis to her words by poking Hinata with the spatula. Hinata continued the charade by fixing Karin with another dangerous glare. Himawari giggled against her mother’s shoulder. 

 

“Wicked Momma Karin is Going to Eat Me” was an old game that the couple had been playing with their children for years and it always went the same way. Neji had outgrown it but they were happy to keep it going with Himawari for as long as she was interested. After a short stare down that Himawari spoiled with more giggles, they both cracked a smile and burst out laughing together. 

 

Karin came in for a hug and Hinata pulled her close. At this distance, she could smell her wife’s perfume, an early anniversary gift from before Neji was born. It was an exotic blend of citrus oils and berries that evoked images of summertime for Hinata. At first, Karin had been reluctant to wear it often because it reminded her of her mother, bringing back painful memories. Recent years had seen her wearing it more often though, for special occasions and sometimes for no reason at all. Apparently time and motherhood had helped her heal somewhat. 

 

“My favorite...”, murmured Hinata as she nuzzled against her wife’s cheek. They shared a quick kiss, then stepped back. Himawari, who still thought that kissing and romance were stupid and gross, made a small gagging sound as Hinata set her down. Karin turned back to the dining area to finish setting the table for breakfast and Hinata directed their daughter to “run upstairs and bring Neji down to eat.”

 

The girl dashed up the stairs, shouting “Brother Neji! Brother Neji!”, before reaching his door and banging on it, loudly stomping her foot and proclaiming for him to “Wake Up!” Himawari was the perfect image of Hinata at that age, right down to the hairstyle and Byakugan that marked her as a Hyūga, but her bold actions and loud personality were all her own. Karin’s influence on her was clear though, as was that of her Auntie Hanabi, Hinata’s younger sister. 

 

Hearing her daughter call out for “Brother Neji” that way brought on a sudden wave of grief. Sitting down to her place at the table, she had to cover her face with her hands for a moment and take a deep breath to let the feeling pass. It had been a long time since her cousin had passed, but the pain of that loss could still surprise her. They had become close after overcoming old clan politics, close enough that she started calling him “Brother”. Their respective fathers were twins after all; they might as well be siblings. It was a shame that the kids never got to meet “Uncle Neji”, but she did her best to keep his memory alive. Whenever Auntie Tenten came around to visit, always with presents like new kunai for the kids, she and Hinata would tell them about Neji’s namesake. Tenten had been teammates with that Neji since they were genin, and she knew him better than most.

 

With a sigh, Hinata pushed those thoughts aside. Neji wouldn’t want his memory to spoil this, her quiet morning with family. She sat back up in her chair, brushed her hair from her face, and looked up to see Karin setting the cinnamon rolls on the table. 

 

“Mmmm, my favorite,” she said, clapping her hands together and smiling again. Karin leaned down over the table to squint at her. “Oh? First the perfume, now the rolls! I thought that _I_ was your favorite... just admit it, Hinata, you’re only with me for my cooking and because I smell good!” Hinata had to laugh at that. It was another old game, but this one was just between wives. She bounced happily in her seat, eager to play her part. 

 

“Don’t forget how you’re charming and beautiful and brilliant and an excellent mother to my children,” Hinata replied back with a teasing grin, “and it doesn’t hurt that you’re good in bed.” Karin snorted, rolled her eyes, and tossed her head, all in one motion. Instead of replying, she stood up with a “hmph!” and set the cinnamon rolls out on plates for everyone before sitting down across from Hinata. 

 

Hinata thought for a moment about how that sort of talk used to embarrass her. Flirting with a pretty woman who liked her back? Impossible! A younger version of Hinata would have been blushing and stuttering at the very idea. Any mention of the sort of things that they had done together last night would have made her faint on the spot. Now she sat holding hands with the woman she loved across the table, staring into her eyes with both of them grinning like fools. 

 

Soon, Himawari was thundering back down the stairs, calling over her shoulder at her brother, urging him to hurry up. Apparently Hanabi had agreed to let the girl observe her team’s training session later this morning and Himawari  _refused_ to be late. Himawari absolutely adored her aunt and the three young women of Team 15 who called Hanabi “sensei”. 

 

Neji was quick to follow his sister, having been stirred by her ruckus and motivated by the promise of food. In contrast to his sister, Neji’s Uzumaki heritage was clear. He had inherited Karin’s red hair and eyes, though he wore his hair short and didn’t need glasses, along with Karin’s unique chakra abilities. Also, unlike his sister, he had no plans for the morning, having fully intended to sleep well past noon. No, his plans were for that evening. Apparently, Neji had  _finally_ overcome his nerves and invited Akimichi Chōchō out to see a movie. Hinata and Karin approved, of course. Chōchō was a fine, confident young woman from a strong family and her parents had been friends to their family for some time. 

 

Himawari and then Neji clamored into their seats, she eating quickly before racing out the door while he sat and savored his food with his mothers. As Himawari danced hurriedly out of the house, only pausing to grab her ninja gear and her shoes, Hinata turned and suggested to Neji that, since he was up anyways, he should go and spend some time with his grandfather, Hinata’s father Hiashi. The old man had softened since her own childhood and now doted on her children fondly. He especially seemed to love teaching them clan history and taijutsu, even though, without Byakugan, Neji couldn’t utilize the Hyūga’s traditional Gentle Fist style. Regardless, Neji still enjoyed time with his grandfather and agreed to go see him after he changed clothes and showered. 

 

When everyone was finished eating, Neji headed back upstairs to prepare for the day. Karin cleared the table while Hinata went to the kitchen to tackle the mess that her wife and daughter had left behind during their baking adventure. Karin joined her a minute later, setting down a stack of dishes beside the sink and coming up from behind to hug her wife as she stood washing dishes. Hinata rocked gently from side to side as she worked while Karin nuzzled her neck and hummed contentedly. When she finished working, Hinata turned around within Karin’s embrace, placed her hands on her wife’s hips, then gently headbutted her. 

 

“Thank you, babe. We haven’t had good family time like this in a while.”

 

Instead of answering with words, Karin held Hinata’s gaze and blinked, slowly. They were still standing like that, smiling and gently swaying to music only they could hear, when Neji came downstairs to leave. “Wow, you two. Maybe get a room?” he said, teasing. “Maybe we will,” said Karin, softly and without breaking eye contact with her wife. Neji sighed as he put on his sandals and left the house. 

 

Hinata smiled as she led her wife back upstairs to their room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cats show affection and trust with the soft headbutt and the slow blink, respectively. Cats and Lesbians is the same yo.


	3. Disarm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata makes some friends.

Disarm you with a smile

And cut you like you want me to

Cut that little child

Inside of me and such a part of you

Ooh, the years burn

Ooh, the years burn

 

——————

 

“Again!”

 

Father was shouting at her like he always did during training now. It hadn’t always been this way, Hinata remembered. Father had been so warm and encouraging once, making an effort to build her up and coax her out of her shell. Training had been like a game then, something fun that Hinata could look forward to doing with Father. That was before Mother died, though. That was before Hinata was kidnapped by ninjas from Cloud Village. Father had saved her, of course, but it had cost him dearly. After killing the ninja from Cloud who had come take his daughter and steal her precious white eyes, Father had been forced to sacrifice his own twin brother, Hizashi, in order to keep the peace between Cloud Village and Leaf Village. She didn’t understand it,  _Village and Clan politics are so stupid–_

 

“ _Again_!” cried Father, cutting into her thoughts. 

 

Hinata picked herself up off the floor and went back to the ready stance. Father was drilling her on the clan’s traditional combat style, the Gentle Fist taijutsu. It was a physical style that only the Hyūga could learn since it relied on the use of Byakugan to see into the opponent’s body, to  _see_ the flow of their chakra network. Practitioners of the style could expel chakra from their hands and, using precise strikes guided by their visual jutsu, target an opponent’s chakra nodes, disrupting the natural flow of their mind and body energy. In this way, limbs were rendered useless and internal organs shut down, leaving an opponent unable to move or release their own jutsu. All of this was done without hardly leaving a mark, hence the name Gentle Fist. At least, that’s how Hinata understood it. A seasoned master like her father, Hiashi, was fast, efficient, and lethal with the clan technique. 

 

Hinata was not a master, though. She was barely even a student, only having a few years of practice. That didn’t seem to matter to Father. He didn’t care that she was just a child. Hinata was the Hyūga heir, so she always had to be better, had to be  _perfect._ Hinata could copy new forms and movements quickly, but Father expected more. He expected her to work out the next steps on her own and take them without being told. She was fine once she had actually been shown what to do but Father was always reluctant, telling her that she should just  _know_ . He told her that she should be like Neji, the genius, Uncle Hizashi’s son. 

 

_It’s so unfair_ , Hinata thought to herself as she rushed forward at Father, repeating the technique they were practicing today. It was supposed to be a disabling series of quick body blows, but Hinata hadn’t landed a single strike all morning and Father was frowning at her again.  _It’s all so unfair! He shouldn’t compare me to Neji like that_ . Neji was older and he was, well... Neji was normal _._ Neji was normal in the same way that Father and Hanabi and everyone else was normal. 

 

None of them were slow like Hinata. None of them got overwhelmed and stuttered like Hinata, nor did they flap their arms and fidget or walk around on their toes and hum. Not that she did any of those last things much anymore; Father hated that kind of behavior and wouldn’t allow it. He and everyone else could handle crowds and loud noises without shutting down and crying, unlike Hinata. 

 

She knew that she was  _different_ and that it was wrong, but she didn’t understand why, didn’t have the words to explain how she felt, and at this point she was too afraid to ask for help. It was all just so unfair and–

 

She was on the ground again. Father had easily knocked her away during her failed attack. She had been focusing this time, doing her best, but she had missed her opportunity to strike at the very opening her technique was designed to exploit and left herself open as a consequence. She understood what had happened perfectly. She failed because she hesitated, and she hesitated because she genuinely did not want to hurt anyone, especially not her own father. Her caretaker, an older cousin named Kō, would say it was because she was kind hearted. Father would say it was because she was timid, a quality most unbecoming of a Hyūga heiress. 

 

He was standing over her now, still frowning. He did not offer to help her stand. As Hinata faced him, a shy smile crossed her face, unbidden. Father was clearly angry but Hinata couldn’t help it. She could never make her face do the right thing. It was usually blank but sometimes it would just make the wrong expression and Hinata couldn’t understand why. It was just one more thing that made Hinata a disappointment in Father’s eyes. 

 

He turned and left the dojo without a word. She stopped smiling. 

 

——————

 

I used to be a little boy

So old in my shoes

And what I choose is my choice

What's a boy supposed to do?

The killer in me is the killer in you

My love

I send this smile over to you

 

——————

 

Hinata was back in her own room after changing out of her sparring clothes and bathing. As she laid down on the bed, she looked up at the ceiling and let her eyes unfocus while she ran her hands over the smooth, cool sheets. It was comforting. Hinata loved being alone in her room this way, with no one looking at her or talking to her. The rest of the day was free so she could just hide from the world in her own private space without the pressure of other people’s expectations. She considered visiting Hanabi later, but for now she just wanted to exist by herself, in peace. 

 

Sliding off the bed, Hinata went over to the shelf where she kept her album of pressed flowers. Like her mother, she loved flowers, and preserving them this way was a hobby that they used to do together. She learned the basics from Mother and figured out the rest from reading library books, perfecting her technique over the last few years. The library was another place that Hinata loved because it was quiet and no one would bother her there. The Hyūga Clan kept it’s own records room, but those scrolls and volumes held little interest for her. She preferred the Leaf Village Library. It was a fair distance away from home, but she enjoyed walking there with Kō, and it made a good excuse to get away from the compound whenever Father was unhappy with her, which was fairly often lately. 

 

She sighed, clutching the album to her chest.  _Mother..._

 

Her death had been a shock to everyone. The happy, loving woman that Hinata remembered was just  _gone_ one day. She would never get to hear Mother’s voice or see her bright sunshine smile ever again. 

 

_Mother had done so much for me, including..._ Hinata paused for a moment, shying away from the thought.  _Mother was the first one to acknowledge me, the first one to accept the truth. She was the first one to call me “Hinata” instead of using that old name._ Hinata gulped. She wasn’t sure what she had done or said, but Mother had somehow known that Hinata was actually a girl after all. Mother had stood up to Father on her behalf, had stood up to the entire clan, all so Hinata could be happy and live the way that  _she_ wanted to. Somehow, despite the clan’s rigid adherence to tradition, Mother had won that battle, and Hinata would forever be grateful to her for it. 

 

Hinata set the album back on the shelf without looking inside. She considered doing an arrangement with sunflowers for her next piece, since those had been one of Mother’s favorites. She wondered if the flower shop she liked would have them in stock yet. It was still the beginning of summer, but Yamanaka Flowers always seemed to get things in early, so it was probably worthwhile to check. She had books to return to the library though so she would have to stop by there first, since it would close for the day soon. 

 

Hinata gathered her books and went to look for Kō. 

 

——————

 

Disarm you with a smile

And leave you like they left me here

To wither in denial

The bitterness of one who's left alone

Ooh, the years burn

Ooh, the years burn, burn, burn

 

——————

 

Their walk to the library was calming. Hinata enjoyed the sunny weather, despite the large coat that she insisted on wearing everywhere. It was her favorite article of clothing because it was bulky and soft and she could put the hood up and pull her hands in, then pretend that no one could see her, so why would she ever  _not_ wear it? Everything was going fine until they reached the library itself. 

 

One of Hinata’s classmates from the academy, Haruno Sakura, was just leaving the building as they arrived. At first, the pink haired girl didn’t notice Hinata approaching, but she turned around unexpectedly, so there she was, smiling and waving at Hinata and Hinata was  _not_ prepared to handle this. Hinata could handle polite interaction with her classmates around the academy, polite talk and classrooms had rules, but this was different. Sakura had never spoken to her before, well, not casually like this, and never outside of class. Sakura seemed genuinely happy to see her, something else she was unaccustomed to, and the girl was standing there, patiently waiting for her to respond to whatever had just been said—Hinata had missed Sakura’s words entirely—and,  _why can’t I say anything?_ she thought to herself desperately. 

 

Hinata could feel her face heating up. Her heart was racing and suddenly everything was too hot, she could feel time slipping away from her, and apparently she had stopped walking suddenly because Kō had nearly bumped into her. Hinata wanted to sink into the ground and disappear forever because Sakura was too pretty for words, much too pretty to talk to. Instead of the usual red qipao and matching hair ribbon she wore at school, Sakura was wearing a casual, loose yellow shirt tied at the waist above tight, blue shorts with her long hair flowing freely. They were about the same height but Sakura didn’t slouch. No, Sakura stood tall on slender, tanned limbs and she was beginning to look concerned about Hinata, who was blushing furiously and still not saying anything!

 

Fortunately, Kō was there to rescue her. “You must be one of Hinata-sama’s classmates,” he said to Sakura from just behind Hinata. “Oh, um, Kō, this is...” she began, but neither of them could hear her. She was fidgeting with her hands now, staring at Sakura’s shoes, and her voice came out as a whisper. Sakura didn’t notice; instead she introduced herself to Kō. 

 

“Yes, my name is Haruno Sakura. Hinata-chan is one of my friends from class.”

 

_One of my friends..._

 

Time ground to a halt.  _Friends_ ... Sakura thought they were friends? Hinata froze, her eyes going wide. She didn’t know that she had any friends besides Naruto, but he was just a boy. She had always wanted girls as friends but didn’t know how make them, though apparently she had succeeded without knowing it, somehow.  _Who else is my friend that I don’t know about?_ she wondered. Hinata talked with Sakura about as little as she talked with anyone in class, besides Naruto, so could it be that many people thought of her as a friend and she just hadn’t known this whole time? Hinata’s mind reeled at the idea. Time started flowing again. Sakura and Kō were still talking. 

 

“I’m Hinata-sama’s guardian, Hyūga Kō.”

 

“Why do you keep calling her ‘Hinata-sama’?”

 

“Because she is Hiashi-sama’s eldest daughter and heir, next in line to be Clan Head.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“You never told me that, Hinata-chan,” said Sakura, quizzically. Hinata forced herself to look up from Sakura’s shoes, focusing on the other girl’s chin. She took a quick breath and responded, “W-well I, uh, Sakura-san, I t-thought that... I didn’t know that you didn’t know so I-I never thought to bring it up...” The last part came out as a rush before she abruptly ran out of breath. Kō, sensing her discomfort, placed a protective hand on her shoulder. Everything was quiet for a beat. 

 

Sakura hesitated as the the silence awkwardly dragged on. “Well, it was good to see you again Hinata-chan. Nice to meet you, Kō-san.” She turned and left with a small wave. 

 

Hinata groaned softly. 

 

——————

 

I used to be a little boy

So old in my shoes

And what I choose is my voice

What's a boy supposed to do?

The killer in me is the killer in you

My love

I send this smile over to you

 

——————

 

It took the entire walk from the library over to Yamanaka Flowers for Hinata to calm down. She and Kō hadn’t said a word to each other, but that was fine. Quiet was normal for them. They entered the shop and Hinata found what she was after immediately. She chose several sunflowers from the beautiful display near the door then headed to the back to check out. Instead of the usual shopkeepers, Hinata was greeted by another girl from her class, Ino. 

 

Tall, strong, confident, Yamanaka Ino was standing right in front of her, just across the checkout counter. Ino was pale like Hinata, but unlike Hinata with her short hime cut, Ino had long blonde hair that reached her back even when pulled into a high ponytail like it was now. It looked so silky and Hinata desperately wanted to touch it but she had no clue how to ask. She realized belatedly that Ino was looking at her, light blue eyes unblinking and curious. Hinata had often seen Ino helping out here before, it was her family’s shop after all, but never running the whole place by herself. It made her seem so... competent. It was sort of intimidating. 

 

For a moment, Hinata was envious.  _My Father would never trust me with something like this_ , she thought.  _Then again_ , she considered,  _I probably wouldn’t want something like this_ . Just the idea of dealing with strangers all day stressed and exhausted her. 

 

“Just those today, Hinata-chan?” asked Ino. 

 

“Y-yes,” Hinata replied, clutching the sunflowers in front of her. Ino was a little easier to talk to than Sakura because Hinata had done so before. It was difficult at first, yes, but now they would chat about flowers or flower pressing whenever they encountered each other at the shop. Much to her own surprise, Hinata was able to talk at length about her favorite hobby to Ino, even though Ino was smart and confident and _gorgeous._ She could go on and on, without stuttering, about how each flower should be prepared and dried, which kinds of paper she liked to use, how much pressure should be applied, and whether one should apply heat during the process. Ino had an inquisitive nature, which made her an excellent listener. She would nod and ask pertinent questions, sometimes even making suggestions about what flowers Hinata should try working with next. 

 

Having someone to listen to her this way made Hinata feel special in a way that she hadn’t known since Mother’s death. Kō would listen patiently about anything that Hinata had to say, but she could tell that he didn’t really understand her, not the way that Ino seemed to. When Hinata wasn’t talking about pressing flowers, Ino would tell her about arranging flowers, how every variety had its own meaning and how there was a subtle language to selecting them for different occasions. 

 

Hinata wondered what sunflowers meant. Before she could ask though, another thought popped into her head. _I see Ino outside of class regularly and we talk quite a bit. That’s something that friends do, right? It’s only at the flower shop, but if Sakura thinks of me as a friend then maybe Ino thinks of me as a friend, too. Could it really be this simple?_ Hinata wanted to asked about that, too. She nearly blurted, “Are you my friend?” but all that came out was a little “ah...” noise. Thankfully, Ino was able to guess what she wanted, at least about the flowers. 

 

“You have a good eye, Hinata-chan, those are beautiful!” began Ino with a smile, “Sunflowers mean ‘respect, passionate love, or radiance’. They’re not for Naruto-kun, are they?”

 

_Oh no, not this again. Things were going so well, but now this. Naruto is my friend, but he’s a boy and... Ugh!_ It was so frustrating that Hinata wanted to scream. Just because they were the same age and they were close did  _not_ mean that people could just make assumptions like that and—

 

“Relax, Hinata! I’m just kidding!” 

 

_Oh._

 

Ino was smiling now, her eyes full of laughter. Hinata attempted a cautious smile of her own. Friends teased each other and laughed about it after, right? Everything was fine. 

 

“N-no, Ino-san, they’re just for me. I wanted to try something new. Sunflowers are supposed to be difficult to work with because the stems are so thick but I... I think I can make it work.”

 

“Will you show me when you’re done? I’ve never actually seen your work, ya know?”

 

_Oh._ Hinata had never shown her work to anyone outside of the family. It had never occurred to her that anyone would  _want_ to see it. She used to show the finished pieces to Hanabi, back before Father made Hanabi hate her. It would be nice to share with someone again, especially if it was someone like Ino. 

 

“Oh, I uh... okay. I’ll bring my album n-next time.”

 

“Excellent, It’s a date!”

 

Hinata couldn’t talk after that. Kō paid for the flowers and Ino wrapped them. They all waved goodbye, then Kō led Hinata toward the door. Ino called out after them, “Don’t forget about our date, Hinata-chan! I’m here every weekend.”

 

Hinata was quiet, but she smiled all the way home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song featured here is “Disarm” by The Smashing Pumpkins, written by William Patrick Corgan. The lyrics have always given me strong Trans Girl Feels ™️ and I felt the mood was appropriate.
> 
> I hope everyone had a lovely Halloween :D


	4. Girls Like Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata learns that she's not alone.

“Tea, Hinata?”

 

“Yes, sensei.”

 

Yūhi Kurenai’s apartment was small and cozy and unmistakably feminine in a way that Hinata hadn’t encountered anywhere else. The entire space, from furniture to decorations, reflected Kurenai’s personality: serene, graceful, _mature_. Hinata hadn’t had any older women to interact with since Mother passed, so spending time with Kurenai-sensei was a pleasant change. True, she had female friends her own age now, but this was different.

 

In the last year, Hinata had been spending more time with her friends Sakura and Ino outside of class, including visiting their homes and seeing their rooms. Sakura’s bedroom was simple, modest and always impeccably clean, falling just short of being austere, while still being girly. Ino’s bedroom was similar, but larger and more decorative, always with fresh flowers on the bedside table and windowsill. For a moment, Hinata wondered what her friends would think of her own bedroom, or if they would ever see it. Lately, she had been spending as much time away from the Hyūga compound as possible. Her time was divided between class at the Leaf Village Shinobi Academy, time with friends like Sakura, Ino, and Naruto, and in the last few months, training with Kurenai-sensei.

 

Though Hinata was enjoying training with her new teacher, thinking about _why_ still made her sad. For some time, Father had been making Hinata and Hanabi compete, driving them apart, with the clear intention of choosing the superior daughter as his successor. Having finally made up his mind that Hinata would never be worthy, Father had declared Hanabi his heir and now refused to have anything to do with Hinata, including training her. For reasons she still wasn’t clear on, Hinata had been assigned a jōnin from outside the family as her new teacher, someone she had never even heard of, let alone met, and that someone was Kurenai.

 

Compared to training with Father, working with Kurenai-sensei was a joy. The woman encouraged Hinata to pursue subjects at her own pace and according to her own interest, while still ensuring that she progressed in all areas. Despite what Father said, her taijutsu was strong. Her only problem in that area was confidence, and sensei was helping her with that. Her ninjutsu was average, and that was fine with her. The one area that Hinata struggled was with genjutsu, or illusionary techniques. She was almost completely unable to use the perception-altering techniques herself, but Kurenai-sensei didn’t seem to think it was much of a problem. Kurenai, who turned out to be a genjutsu specialist, said that instead she would train Hinata in recognizing and countering genjutsu so that she could protect herself and her future teammates. Kurenai-sensei said that she would teach her to play into her strengths, making the most of what she was naturally good at and training to cover for any weaknesses.

 

Hinata pulled her mind back to the present and regarded her teacher as she moved about the small kitchen preparing the tea. Kurenai was a pale, willowy woman of average height with voluminous, dark brown hair. She couldn’t see right now since the woman was turned away, but Hinata could imagine Kurenai’s striking dark red eyes, which she usually highlighted with purple eyeshadow and set off with a red lip stick. Hinata loved to watch the way sensei moved: smooth and elegant. Every motion of her long, slender hands was beautifully efficient. Today she was wearing her usual work outfit, a sort of complex, knee length wrap dress decorated with a thorn motif over an asymmetrical mesh shirt with one long red sleeve.

 

Finished preparing the tea, Kurenai came over to the table where Hinata was seated, carrying their cups on a small tray. As she did, Hinata noticed that there was an extra cup.

 

“Sensei, will someone else be joining us?”

 

“Yes, Anko should be here any minute.”

 

Hinata nodded. She liked Kurenai’s friend, Mitarashi Anko. The woman was another jōnin, a high ninja, someone that sensei had known since she was in the academy. They had been put on separate teams upon graduating and had gone on to have very different duties, but the two had remained close friends despite that. Hinata hoped that she and her friends from the academy would be able to stay close like them.

 

Lately, when she wasn’t busy with her own work, Anko had been stopping by when Hinata was training with Kurenai-sensei. At first she would just observe, but the last few times, Anko had offered advice and demonstrated new techniques for Hinata. Anko was always kind but she had a fast, biting sense of humor and leaned heavily toward sarcasm. Where Kurenai was cool and collected, Anko tended to be brash and outspoken. While the parallels weren’t exact, the more Hinata thought about it, the more the two women and their relationship reminded her of Sakura and Ino.

 

A few moments later, Anko arrived. Instead of knocking, she simply walked in and started kicking off her sandals, calling out, “Sorry I’m late; I stopped for dango”. That made Hinata smile. It seemed like every time she saw Anko, the woman was always either on her way to or just coming from her favorite dango shop. Between removing her sandals and slipping out of the large tan jacket that she usually wore, Anko tossed a small paper bag over to Kurenai, who caught it neatly. Kurenai slipped a package of dango out from inside and offered a stick to Hinata before taking one herself, leaving the last stick for Anko.

 

Without her long jacket, Anko was only wearing a dark mesh bodysuit that covered her from elbow to knee with a short orange skirt over it. The tall, broad woman traipsed over to the table and plopped down in the seat next to Kurenai. She slumped over dramatically to rest her head on Kurenai’s shoulder and heaved a deep sigh.

 

“Long day?” asked Kurenai, softly, brushing a strand of short, purple hair back from Anko’s round face.

 

“You have no idea,” Anko said, sitting up reluctantly. Though she regularly complained to Kurenai about her work being difficult and tiring, the two women never actually discussed what Anko did for work in front of Hinata, which always left the girl wondering. Anko opened her brown eyes as she sat up and winked at Hinata, “Nothing I can’t handle though”. Presently, she reached out for the last stick of dango and popped it into her mouth.

 

Hinata took a bite of her own dango. It was red bean flavored, her favorite kind. Anko alternated between bringing this kind and the kind covered with sweet soy syrup, which Kurenai seemed to favor. After a quiet moment of everyone sipping tea and munching on balls of dango, Anko asked, “How was training today, Hinata-san?”

 

“It was g-good, Anko-san! Kurenai-sensei had me practicing seeing through genjutsu with the Byakugan.” Hinata had _mostly_ overcome her stutter around the two women. They were just so much easier to talk to than everyone else. She felt like she could really be herself around them.

 

“Yes, Hinata did very well today,” added Kurenai-sensei with one of her enigmatic smiles. This made Hinata blush; she still wasn’t used to being praised like that. It was a little embarrassing, but at the same time it made her so happy that she wanted to flap her hands and bounce in her seat. Instead, she fidgeted with the cuffs of her jacket. “That’s excellent, Hinata! You’ll have to show me next time,” said Anko. Hinata’s blush darkened. _Kurenai-sensei and Anko-san are both so beautiful and smart and amazing and they’re both such accomplished ninja! I still can’t believe they’ve taken such an interest in me._ She tried to cover for her blushing and sudden silence by sipping at her tea, but both women saw through the attempt and shared a smile.

 

Hinata felt a special sort of camaraderie with the jōnin women, especially Anko, though she couldn’t say what it was or why. She admired each woman individually for her talents and strengths, but more than that she admired the deep bond that they clearly shared. She admired the way that Kurenai and Anko could read each other and communicate with barely a glance and a gesture. She admired how comfortable and affectionate they were with each other, especially when they didn’t think she was paying attention.

 

In fact, it was more than admiration, it was envy. Hinata desperately wished she had a connection like that with someone, but it was so difficult for her to connect with people at all. She didn’t have a Best Friend that way, not the way that Ino had Sakura, for instance. True, she could always depend on Naruto for support and encouragement, but it just wasn’t the same. Naruto was a nice guy who genuinely wanted to be friends with everyone. It wasn’t like they shared any interests. _And besides_ , she thought, _he’s just a boy anyways_.

 

As Hinata went to take another bite of dango, she noticed two things. First, Anko suddenly seemed nervous. Second, Kurenai and Anko were sitting _very_ close together, holding hands. Before she could reason out what to do with that information, Anko spoke up. “Hinata, there’s actually something that I wanted to talk to you about today. I wanted to tell you right away when we first met, I was so excited, but Kurenai convinced me to wait.”

 

“Hinata, I’m transgender, like you.” Hinata tilted her head to the side, lips slightly parted. She had never heard that word before but... _Anko-san couldn’t mean_ that, _could she?_ Seeing that Hinata was unsure, Kurenai clarified, “When Anko was little, everyone thought she was a boy at first, just like you.”

 

Oh.

 

“H-how did y-y-you...” Hinata had to pause for a moment. She set down her dango next to her tea cup and swallowed, hard. She had to fight to control her emotions under normal circumstances; this was almost too much. She folded her hands in her lap and stared down at the table. “How d-d-did you know? About m-me?”

 

“I hate to be the one to have to tell you this, but there are many people who know, Hinata. You were first born to the head of a major clan. Your birth was proudly announced and it’s a small village. Now, the majority of common folk wouldn’t remember that or even care if they did, but that sort of thing matters to the major families.” Anko sounded apologetic as she continued. “That’s just the older people, though. Kurenai knows because she was told when she agreed to take you as a student and I, well... I make it my business to know that sort of thing. I’m actually the one who encouraged her to take the assignment.”

 

The only noise that Hinata could make was a weak gurgle.

 

“Don’t worry about it too much though. Most people our age or younger won’t know, so your friends and classmates shouldn’t know either. You’re actually lucky, in a way, since you figured things out early. I didn’t know that I was a girl until I was almost finished with the academy, so everyone my own age knows about me. I certainly wouldn’t have known what to do about it if I hadn’t met...” Anko stopped herself and coughed, awkwardly. “Well that doesn’t matter now. What matters is that you have me now and I know how to help you get what you need. You won’t have to go through what I did.”

 

Hinata was finally able to look up at Anko. The woman looked like she was holding back tears. “I’m sorry to bring all this up so suddenly, Hinata, I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. Girls like us have to stick together, okay?”

 

Hinata nodded, blinking back tears of her own. It had never occurred to her that anyone outside the family would know or that there would be other people like her, people who understood. It felt like letting go of anxiety she hadn’t known she was holding on to.

 

“What did you mean, Anko-san, when you said you could help me get what I need?”

 

“Well, you’re getting older, Hinata. Your body will start changing soon, and unless we intervene, it will change in ways that you won’t like. There are medicines and techniques you can use to make sure it changes the right way though, and I’ll teach you all of that. I almost didn’t learn about those things in time for me, but I’m not going to let that happen to you.”

 

“T-thank you, Anko.” Hinata had learned a little about puberty before, but she had tried not to think about it too much. The possibility that her body might change to look like a man’s was too unpleasant to contemplate, and she hadn’t known where to turn for information about her own situation. This was incredible, though. Finding out that she would have help and not have to worry about changing the wrong way gave her a profound sense of relief. “Thank you so much!” was all she could get out before she was overcome with tears.

 

Both women were dismayed by Hinata’s crying, even though Anko was crying a little herself. They quickly rose and circled the table to hug Hinata. The girl clung tight to Anko’s shirt while Anko held her and Kurenai wrapped her arms around both of them. They rocked her gently, back and forth, whispering things like “it’s okay” and “we’re here, we’ve got you” while Hinata bawled and tried to say “thank you” again. She couldn’t make the words come out, but that was fine. She knew that both women understood. Everything was going to be fine now, so why couldn’t she stop crying?

 

Hinata lost track of time, so she couldn’t tell how long it was before she calmed down. Anko fixed her hair and Kurenai kissed her forehead before both women went back to their places at the table. She couldn’t find any more words. All she could think or feel was “thank you” and she had said it enough, even though it was unintelligible through her sobbing. Kurenai and Anko were smiling at her now from across the table and holding hands again. Hinata didn’t know what to do now, so she took another bite of dango and sipped at her tea so she could think.

 

Hinata looked down at the table. _Why are they holding hands?_ Kurenai noticed where she was looking and spoke up. “Hinata, there’s something else that we wanted to tell you. Anko and I waited so we could be sure that you’d understand, but I think you’re ready to hear it. Actually, I think you _need_ to hear it.” She looked up at Kurenai expectantly. Both women seemed nervous now.

 

“Anko and I are together, Hinata. She’s my girlfriend.”

 

It was too much. There was a loud ringing, buzzing noise and everything went dark. Hinata slid out of her chair and onto the floor with a thump.

 

——————

 

Hinata awoke slowly. She found herself laying on the couch. As she sat up, she looked around and tried to remember what had happened. Someone had taken her jacket off and draped it over her like a blanket, but it slid off as she rose. Hinata picked it up, bunched the fabric into a ball, and hugged it tightly. 

 

_I was having tea with Kurenai-sensei and Anko-san, and they told me that—that I’m not alone and then...,_ her eyes opened wide as she recalled,  _they told me that they’re together. That they’re girlfriends!_

 

Incredible. 

 

Hinata buried her face in her jacket, taking several deep breaths of the familiar scent in order to ground herself. Looking around, she noticed that the sun was going down. She must have been out for a while. She usually came back from fainting more quickly, but she had been tired.  _They must have decided to just let me sleep for a bit. I wonder where they went..._

 

Reaching out with her senses, Hinata was able to hear soft voices coming from the next room. Before she could investigate, the voices stopped and the door to the next room opened. Kurenai stepped out ahead of Anko and the two women came over to sit with her on the couch, one on either side. Judging by their faces, Anko had been crying some more, but Kurenai seemed unfazed, just as cool and unflappable as ever. 

 

“Hinata,” began Kurenai on her left, “are you feeling better now? We’re both very sorry for upsetting you earlier.”

 

On her right, Anko said, “I guess that was a lot to take in so suddenly.” Hinata didn’t—couldn’t—respond right away, so Anko continued, “We understand if you’re... unhappy with us right now. We just thought that... that you were like us, and that you deserved to know.” The woman sounded sheepish, like she had done something embarrassing. 

 

Hinata forced herself to look up and make eye contact with Kurenai and Anko in turn. “I was just surprised, that’s all. I didn’t realize that was an option, for two women to be together I mean. I... I think this is the best day of my entire life.” She was excited now, talking faster. “How did I not know about this before? Do other people know about this? Everything makes sense now I—the way I feel about other girls and—you’re telling me that I’m not the only one?!” Hinata clapped a hand over her mouth, only just realizing that she had raised her voice and was babbling. 

 

Anko’s shoulders sagged and she let out a breath of relief. Kurenai put an arm around Hinata and hugged her from the side. Anko chuckled. “You had us worried, Hinata-chan. We were afraid that you would be angry or disgusted after the way you fainted.”

 

“Why would I be? This is a good thing r-right?” 

 

“Of course it’s a good thing, Hinata, but it’s complicated. Leaf Village is set in its traditions and...” Kurenai paused, looking sad. “And people like us don’t fit in with those traditions. Nobody talks about it because most of them would prefer if we just didn’t exist.”

 

“People like us, sensei?”

 

“Queers, Hinata,” Anko answered instead. The couple seemed to like talking in turns, picking up and continuing each other’s thoughts. “They have a lot of mean names for people like us, people who’s genders don’t match up with what’s expected and people who experience same-gender attraction. The word ‘queer’ covers all of us though.”

 

Hinata was paying rapt attention, looking back and forth between the two women as they spoke. She felt like she had gained access to a whole new world and it was  _fascinating_ . 

 

Kurenai-sensei put on her lecturing voice. “There are many different ways to live and love, Hinata, many more than the one way that the village holds to. Take transgender people like you and Anko for instance. Many people live as the gender that others assume when they’re first born, but some people don’t. There are even more than two genders, more than just male and female. Some people have more than one gender, some people have none, and for some people, gender changes over time.” Anko nodded at the last point and interjected, “my old teacher was like that.” 

 

Kurenai continued, “Then there’s the matter of attraction. There are women like Anko, lesbians, who are only attracted to other women. There are men who only like other men; they’re gay. I myself am bisexual because I’m attracted to my own gender and at least one other. There are also people who don’t experience much or any attraction at all; we call them ‘asexual’. To complicate matters further, there’s the question of number, or plurality. Most people only have one partner at a time, but it doesn’t have to be that way. People with more than one partner are polyamorous. Anko is my girlfriend, but I also have a boyfriend. You remember my friend, Sarutobi Asuma, right? That’s him.”

 

Hinata nodded, urging her teacher to continue. They discussed the various matters in more detail as he sun sank below the tree line. The girl was exploding with questions and both women did their best to answer all of them. They taught her many new words, plus how and when to use them. Kurenai listed off some slurs and their meanings, several of which made Anko wince. They taught her what to look for when trying to identify others like herself. They told her how to find people she would be safe around and places she could let her guard down. Finally, they told her who and what to watch out for, how to spot people that would be dangerous for her. It was a lot of information, but Hinata absorbed everything. 

 

Later, as Kurenai and Anko walked Hinata back to the Hyūga compound, she thought more about Sakura and Ino.  _I wonder if they feel like I do... they’ve always been so close. I’ll have to find a way to talk to them about it._ She thought about other people she knew and wondered who else might be queer. She would have to pay much closer attention to people in order to find out. 

 

Hinata lay in bed that night, remembering the last thing that Anko had told her, about staying safe and hidden. She thought it was sad that Anko and Kurenai had to hide, that they couldn’t hold hands or kiss each other good night in public like other couples could. 

 

_Will it always be like that?_

 

Hinata fell asleep, dreaming of a future where they all wouldn’t have to hide. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m presenting a simplified version of gender and sexuality here for brevity. This is just Hinata’s first lesson on the subject, an introduction really, and I didn’t feel like writing a whole treatise. Also, I’m aware that ‘queer’ is a controversial term and that some people don’t like it as an umbrella word for the community.


End file.
